Dear Cookie Monster,
I’d like to thank you for all the happy childhood memories I have of you. Your fuzzy blue fur, your love of life, your inquisitive nature and even your love of all things COOKIE are what I remember. Who didn’t love it when your beady eyes got all wiggly and giggly when you caught a glimpse of a delicious treat? I dare say no one….not until we needed others to control our Nation’s weight issues.
Cookie, I’m a large woman but I don’t blame you. I never have. You see I don’t like cookies. It’s true! I actually don’t eat desserts except on a very rare occasion. I never have wanted to eat cookies…not even when you would go into a silly cookie rage and gobble up your favorite cookies, chocolate chip. I just loved you for you. I didn’t judge you on your eating habits. After all you are a monster and not a human boy or girl. You aren’t made of flesh and bone. You are made of fur, plastic and you have some dude’s hand up your…..well, you know, I don’t have to tell you. Even as a child I never thought to myself, “gee, that guy is awesome I must eat cookies like him all day long.”
Many of my generation turned out alright and we had only our parents to thank for that. I’m grateful that public standards are so different now. I would hate to think that my children were being unfairly influenced by your love of baked goods. I would hate to think that while I am the one shopping and baking (or truly not baking) in my house that they were learning from you and not from what I placed in front of them. I confess; I have yet to place a warm plate of cookies in front of them for their meal. I do crazy stuff like give them a balanced meal but you didn’t teach me that. Who was that?
Oh, Cookie, do you remember when you could just be you? I do. I like that you are embracing new things. Trying the fruits, the veggies and the grains but isn’t the magic of you the frenzy and fun you had when you saw a cookie? I’m sorry that our National weight epidemic rests upon your furry shoulders. I guess we are a heavy weight nation because of the years of Cookie Brainwashing. I hope you understand why your whimsical nature had to change. It’s not your fault but we needed a Cookie Scape Goat. I don’t know what breed of monster you are exactly but I think you are likely most closely related to the scape goat. You’d have to be, right?
Cookie, I don’t blame you but we can’t be trusted to educate our children properly. I mean…who was there for us? Off to call my mother to thank her again!